Detached

And that’s how you left,
For a moment I didn’t even feel like stopping you,
Running towards you and holding you,
Fighting the odds and acknowledging the pain stomaching you.
You knew I was numb and you didn’t expect me to rise,
Like a fallen star my eyes just gravitated towards the earth
while you waved goodbye.

Maybe you knew me, better than me,
Maybe the feelings that you claimed,
were just a dream.
You knew I was cold, yet you blessed me with your warmth,
You knew I was insensitive yet you tried to make me feel,
if et all.
I was never your shoulder that you wept upon,
I was never the listener that you could confide when wrong.

For you, I was a zombie who always frowns,
emotions and other stuff, I believed was only for clowns.
But you never complained you just enjoyed the ride,
how could someone not feel anything and entice you with a smile?
You treated me like a blank canvas and wanted to fill me with colors,
You knew I still won’t change, you knew I was stubborn.
I have watched this film too many times to realize how this would end,
I knew you would give up the day you would realize,
that I won’t give a damn about how you felt.

But dear friend of mine, at least hear my side of story before you run away,
Let us sit down and talk as I would describe every pain I have lived in detail.
No, I was not abused as a kid nor I was bullied,
I was just a joyful kid till life sank in.
You know life; how it teaches lessons in the most unexpected way,
Who takes everything from you just for you to realize it’s not fair.
The friends that once were mine are now just phone numbers I don’t dial,
The people I call family have gone rich and blind.
The colleagues that I work are slaves of time,
The person I love is non-existent to me and my life.

I watched my family break into pieces and yet I couldn’t cry,
The scars on my back won’t heal from backstabbers who turned heel with time.
The hand that I once reached out to has now shrugged me of my own lie,
The god that you believed in doesn’t even know if I am dead or alive.
But please don’t mind the gloominess of my point,
I learned its better to walk alone than travel in crowded lines.
I learned its better to spoil yourself then be somebody’s lifeline.
Of course, my heart won’t beat the same way yours beat,
I treat it as an organ, while you try being a fool and find a soul.
Maybe I did smile when you walked away,
The moment the door closed I rejoiced in pain,
The agony still haunts me as I keep looking in the mirror,
Maybe if I wasn’t detached as you thought I was,
we could have had a life to share.

-Gaurav A Khandekar

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