Of nightmares and somebody to blame…

I deleted all your messages today, not archived, I deleted them. I blocked you on every social media, deleted your number in a sorry attempt to get rid of you. I tried my best to finally delete you from my life. See it’s not that we both were heading for was wrong it was the aftermath that we both were going to lay in each other’s life was. I went through all your messages one last time before I could get rid of them. All those early mornings wishes to drive safe at night. All those “kiss emojis” that were sent “accidentally” to all those “we need to talk” moments. I deleted them all. In midst of deleting everything, I realised that it was partly my mistake as well. I mean you needed a shoulder to cry and I needed an ear to hear. After all, those things that you have been through I was just a rebound for you while the things that were happening in my life you ended being my support system, slowly that we realised that we both were feeding off each other’s negativity.
So I finally decided to clean my closet; you never know what you are looking for until you don’t find anything. While I clung onto you like a hopeless leaf in the autumn breeze I realised that I don’t want you to be one of the reasons that I lose sleep. That insomnia is my good friend and she keeps me awake, my platter is full while you seemed to be the one falling off it. Maybe I’m emotionally cold and internally damaged but I didn’t want to lose my sleep over somebody’s opinion. So I deleted you from my life.
I know I still might not be able to sleep tonight, I still might be awake thinking about everything that’s happening around me but that’s OK because tonight I won’t be blaming you. I won’t be consoling myself over our failed attempt at relationship rather I’ll try to sleep because I was finally able to put to bed at least one of the many things that I was blaming. Maybe we could have given a short to stay mutually close to each other, “Friends” is the word they use these days for such people. But I didn’t want to because our blame game would never stop. So I hope we both sleep tonight, you on somebody’s shoulder to cry and I in my thoughts as I speak.

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