Struck by the reality of thoughts that neither shall I prevail nor will let you do so. Being stubborn was my blessing in disguise, I could hold a grudge over smallest of thing and would hang on to each detail of it. But no one around me was bothered with my behavioral inconsistency; me being abnormal in some sense was the new normality. Then puberty started sinking in and I was introduced to a thing called as “Life”, make no mistake if I was stubborn there were people ten times worse than me; If I was arrogant and rude there were people with foul mouths. Suddenly the dynamics that I lived in and believed in were changed and I was probably the last one to witness it.
While some did entertain me, some blatantly ignored me and some literally thrashed me. How to kill people with a huge ego? Kill their arrogance that they use to back their ego. And trust me by the time you will enter a town named “Adulthood”, your ego, your arrogance will almost be as non-existent as your childhood friends. But some people are able to retain their childhood friends the same way they are able to be more arrogant and egoistic. So what’s wrong in not letting go of things, well in the need of holding onto things we lose things that are essential to us in various ways.
I never let things go, I can still remember every grudge that I have ever held against every person and then how it started killing me slowly. In dunes of my arrogance built over the years, I started sinking in. My cry for help was unheard, I still remember the times when these things started affecting me but I still couldn’t let go, and even if I wanted to, then the question was how to?. If you are a Game Of Thrones fan then you would remember the scene where Jon Snow has to make decisions that won’t make him popular amongst the crows (his crew). This is where he asks the maester (wise man with ample knowledge) and he probably gives him the best advice “Kill the boy Jon Snow, kill the boy”.
To be frank enough that didn’t strike me until I was recently binge watching the whole thing and I realized that I might have to kill the boy as well. The arrogant self-centered kid who only and only gave a shit about himself had to go, the kid whose ego weighed more than himself had to go, the kid who never cared about people’s sentiments had to go as well. Was it easy? No. Have I moved over my unfaithful love, over my broken past? No. Have I forgiven those who betrayed me? No. Have I let go, people, things that were anchoring me down? No. But its start, I have learned how to smile, to be pretentious and most importantly I have started watching out for people who were always holding the umbrella while I was drowning in somebody else’s tears.
In the end, If there’s something that I want to convey to you is that letting it go is probably the most difficult thing but it’s something that needs to be done if you want to witness how beautiful life is. Let it go, don’t hold anything back..!